You know why drinking, with a history of depression, sucks?! Cuz you can be lying in bed next to the man of your dreams, who treats you better than you deserve…and all you can do is cry, thinking about how you’re not good enough to deserve this. He’s sleeping, making those adorable sounds you love, yet because of the alcohol, you cannot push your fears aside. All you do is keep picturing him waking up and telling you you’re not enough. I know he’d never do that, and he’s not done anything to make me feel like this…But this alcohol is making those thoughts seem so real. I can’t handle it. He’s perfect, the past 6 weeks have been perfect…maybe that’s why I worry so damn much. I feel like normal people would’ve had arguments by now, or some imperfect moments…and we haven’t. Maybe that’s why it seems too good to be true. *sigh* why must my mind ruin things for me?! Falling asleep in his arms is one of my favorite things… But instead it’s turned me around so I can cry at the wall and worry that this will end. Fuck you, mind of mine.
"I don’t regret anything I said. I’m glad I said it. I don’t care anymore. I know how I feel, and I don’t like feeling like I’m censoring myself and I am. I want to tell you how much you mean to me. I want to hold your hand and kiss your face. I want to tell you I love you everyday. I don’t want to hold back my feelings"
I wish I was one of those people that was fat because I ate too much. …it’d be so much easier to eat less, than eat more.
“I want you too. I always have. I’m not looking for anybody else. I have run away from it, I’ve tried to force myself to settle, I’ve tried to bury my feelings. Nothing feels so right as you. You make me happy when I’m feeling like shit. I want nothing more than to be by your side in whatever way I can.”
" i wish i had a time machine so i could go back in time three years and smack the shit out of myself"
…I wish for that, too